Every Child Deserves a Voice: Teaching Kids to Speak Up—and Listen

There are broadly two kinds of children in a group discussion.

There’s the child who needs encouragement to speak.

And there’s the child who apparently hasn’t required encouragement to speak since approximately eighteen months of age.

Parents will recognise both.

One child knows the answer but keeps her hand firmly down. Another is halfway through explaining his solution before you’ve finished asking the question.

Neither is necessarily a problem.

Children have different personalities. Some are naturally confident and outspoken. Others like to observe, think and speak only when they’re comfortable.

But every child should gradually learn two important things.

My ideas are worth expressing.

And:

Other people’s ideas are worth listening to.

When we talk about gender equality, both matter.

Because telling girls to speak up achieves very little if everyone else has already decided not to listen.

Quick Answer: How Do We Help Children Find Their Voice?

Helping children find their voice means teaching them that their ideas, opinions and feelings are worth expressing.

But that’s only half the lesson.

Children also need to understand that somebody else’s ideas deserve the same consideration—whether they come from a boy or a girl.

Parents can help by giving children opportunities to express opinions, listening seriously when they do, encouraging quieter children rather than speaking for them, and teaching more confident children that leadership includes listening.

That’s the idea at the heart of Soak to Germinate, the first story in Biplobworld’s Girls = Boys, Each Unique – Book 2.

Knowing That Your Ideas Matter

There’s a difference between having an idea and believing anyone wants to hear it.

In Soak to Germinate, the children have a science project. They need to germinate green gram and kidney bean seeds.

Deepak and Rajul are teamed with Megha and Pinky.

Except they don’t behave much like a team.

Deepak announces that the boys are the leaders. The girls are expected to follow instructions.

Megha and Pinky do have ideas.

Quite good ones, as it happens.

The problem is that the boys have already decided whose opinions matter.

And that is where gender stereotypes can become particularly limiting.

Sometimes they don’t prevent a child from participating.

They simply ensure nobody takes her contribution seriously.

A Good Idea Doesn’t Have a Gender

When Riya suggests that the seeds should be soaked before germination, Deepak dismisses her.

His reasoning is particularly impressive.

He doesn’t need a girl telling him about science because, apparently, girls know about cooking instead.

Asif quickly points out that his father is an award-winning chef.

Avantika adds that Riya scored the highest marks in science in their class.

Argument rather comprehensively dismantled.

But underneath the humour is an important lesson.

An idea should be judged by whether it’s a good idea—not by whether a boy or girl said it.

That’s a wonderfully simple principle to teach children.

Instead of:

“Who said that?”

Try:

“Does that make sense?”

Sometimes Children Need a Little Help to Speak Up

There’s another moment in Soak to Germinate that I particularly like.

Adi watches Megha and Pinky allowing Deepak and Rajul to push them around and concludes that if they let themselves be bullied, they deserve it.

Biplob gently disagrees.

Sometimes, he explains, people need encouragement and support before they can stand against something unfair. We shouldn’t be too quick to judge them.

That’s worth remembering as parents.

“Just stand up for yourself” sounds wonderfully simple when you’re not the person who has to do the standing up.

A quieter child may be frightened of being laughed at.

She may have tried speaking previously and been ignored.

She may simply be surrounded by stronger personalities.

Confidence doesn’t appear because we’ve instructed a child to acquire some.

Sometimes it grows because somebody says:

“Go on. Tell us what you think.”

And then actually listens.

Make Room for Quieter Voices

This doesn’t require turning family dinner into a moderated panel discussion.

Small things work.

If one sibling constantly interrupts another, stop them.

“Hang on. She wasn’t finished.”

If one child automatically makes every decision, deliberately ask the others.

“That’s your idea. What does everyone else think?”

If a quieter child starts speaking, give him time rather than finishing the sentence for him.

These are tiny interventions.

But they send two very different children two equally important messages.

To one:

Your voice matters.

To the other:

Your voice isn’t the only one that matters.

Both are valuable lessons.

Listening Is Part of Gender Equality Too

We spend plenty of time teaching children how to communicate.

Speak clearly.

Be confident.

Look at people when you’re talking.

Express yourself.

But communication has another half.

Listening.

And proper listening isn’t merely staying quiet until it’s your turn to talk again.

It means being willing to consider the possibility that somebody else has a better idea.

Megha demonstrates this perfectly in Soak to Germinate.

She suggests that her group’s seed jars should be kept somewhere safe.

Deepak and Rajul ignore her.

The following day, they discover their containers overturned, with mud and seeds scattered around. Mice have probably been at them.

Megha’s ignored suggestion suddenly looks rather sensible.

Biplob points out that the group’s biggest problem isn’t really the ruined seeds.

It’s their attitude.

A good team respects people for their ideas and abilities, not whether they’re girls or boys.

Watch Who Gets Heard at Home

This is an interesting little experiment for parents.

Just observe your family conversations for a while.

Who gets interrupted most?

Who usually decides?

Whose suggestions are immediately taken seriously?

Who backs down?

And do we unconsciously change our own reactions depending on whether the child speaking is a son or daughter?

Nobody needs a clipboard.

Just notice.

Gender stereotypes aren’t always dramatic statements like “girls can’t do science.”

Sometimes they’re much quieter.

We ask the boy about something technical.

We ask the girl about something creative.

We expect him to be assertive.

We expect her to be agreeable.

Repeated often enough, those expectations can start becoming children’s expectations of themselves.

Give Children Real Opportunities to Have a Say

If we want children to believe their ideas matter, occasionally their ideas need to actually matter.

Let them help plan a family outing.

Ask how they think a problem should be solved.

Let them choose between sensible options.

Give them responsibility within a family project.

And occasionally follow their suggestion.

That last bit is rather important.

There’s not much value in asking:

“What do you think?”

when everybody knows we’ve already made the decision.

Of course, children don’t get the deciding vote on everything.

If your eight-year-old believes bedtime should be abolished and chocolate constitutes a balanced breakfast, parental leadership remains useful.

But there should be spaces where children discover that speaking up can make a difference.

Don’t Teach Girls to Speak Without Teaching Boys to Listen

It’s easy to turn this subject into a lesson purely about building confident girls.

Girls certainly need to know their voices matter.

But boys have an equally important lesson to learn.

Confidence doesn’t mean dominating the conversation.

Leadership doesn’t mean issuing instructions.

And respecting a girl’s expertise doesn’t somehow diminish a boy’s.

In the story, Asif jokes that in his group the girls also “know their place”—they lead when they’re better at something, as they demonstrated during the children’s earlier pickleball adventures.

That’s a far healthier version of teamwork.

Sometimes you lead.

Sometimes you follow.

Sometimes you have the best idea.

Sometimes somebody else does.

Gender doesn’t need to enter the calculation.

Help Their Confidence Germinate

There’s something rather fitting about teaching this lesson through a story about germinating seeds.

A seed doesn’t sprout simply because we tell it to hurry up.

It needs the right conditions.

Water.

Warmth.

Time.

Confidence can be rather similar.

We can’t tug at a child’s confidence and make it grow faster.

But we can create the conditions.

Encourage children to express themselves.

Support them when speaking up feels difficult.

Listen when they finally do.

And teach other children to make room for voices besides their own.

That’s the idea running through Soak to Germinate, the first story in Biplobworld’s Girls = Boys, Each Unique – Book 2

Every child deserves a voice.

But giving children a voice is only half the job.

We also need to raise children who know how to listen.

Because sometimes the person who hasn’t been heard yet is the one with the best idea.

FAQs

How can I encourage my child to speak up?

Give your child time to express an opinion, ask what they think, prevent others from continually interrupting and take their ideas seriously. Confidence often develops gradually through positive experiences of being heard.

Should parents push shy children to speak more?

Encouragement can help, but pressure may have the opposite effect. Quieter children often benefit from supportive opportunities to contribute rather than being suddenly put on the spot.

How can parents teach children to listen to others?

Model good listening at home. Let people finish, ask questions about what they’ve said and encourage children to consider an idea before agreeing or disagreeing with it.

What does speaking up have to do with gender equality?

Gender equality isn’t only about access to activities or opportunities. Boys and girls should also learn that their ideas deserve equal consideration and that nobody’s opinion should be dismissed simply because of gender.

How does Soak to Germinate teach this lesson?

In Soak to Germinate, Megha and Pinky have useful ideas about their science project, but Deepak and Rajul repeatedly dismiss them because they’re girls. Their mistakes eventually demonstrate why good teams listen to people for their ideas and abilities rather than making assumptions based on gender.